New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
