jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
