so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
