i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize