I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
