I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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