So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
