i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
