Got a toothbrush?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
