He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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