Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
