thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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