My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
