She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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