I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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