Yo dont text me then not text me
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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