Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
