pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize