If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
