Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
