Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
