so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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