i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
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