Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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