you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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