yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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