I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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