he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
