I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
