there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
