No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
