It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
