This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
