I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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