We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
