# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
