I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize