her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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