# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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