i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
