roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
