I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
