Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
