My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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