that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
