level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
third nipple confirmed
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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