Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
