I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Randomize
