R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
