your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
