Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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