I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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