Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
