This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
