He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
