You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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