Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
