Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
