This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
