**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
