hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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