I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
organizing the empties. That sober.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
