this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
