Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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