That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
