i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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