just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
