he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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