Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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