she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize