So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
