I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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