I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
birth control should be required to get into college
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
