If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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