if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
