I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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