Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
