You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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