just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
