their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
