Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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