i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
