can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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