as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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