he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
