dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
