I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
