she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
