Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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