just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
