so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
