I never want to see another naked old woman again.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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