god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
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