you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize