A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
