Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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