you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
