There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My ass is underappreciated
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
