When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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