As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
my sisters under your porch take her home
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
